Windows - November 23, 2010

Shee-it!  Now what do I do?  All started out well – a man let me through the big gate when my subway card wouldn’t swipe because apparently there was no money left on it (being blind sometimes has its perks); an old man reeking of cheap whiskey came over and swiped his card for me when the same thing happened on my return trip; my guidedog immediately found the way out of the Columbus Circle station, and people on the street were so easy to get the right directions from (love this town); my new guidedog of very limited experience did amazingly well on the pedestrian clogged streets of Holiday season, Midtown Manhattan; and he loved the enormous piles of crunchy fall leaves all over the park.  It was awesome seeing my friend, accept when she happened to mention that she would have to leave early for a doctors appointment that evening, which meant no dinner plans, and certainly no drinks.  Damn, that’s when things went wrong, ‘cause pretty much everyone else I knew in NY was gone for the holidays.  Plus, this was my last night in my favorite city on Earth.  I definitely wanted to do something.  Not knowing what else to do, I sadly headed back to the apartment, which was dark because even my aunt was out.

            

Arg!  I’ve hit that inevitable point in almost every trip I have, where I desperately want to claw my way out of my skin screaming, because the only option I feel I have is to sit in the apartment (or hotel room), writhing with desire to be out doing something, ANYTHING.  I hate this feeling of being trapped in a room (because it is safe) when there is so much happening right outside; so much I want to do, just no one to do anything with.  I despise feeling dependent on others, needing someone else in order to go out and do what I want, but I don’t know how else to go about it.  The thought of venturing out to a desirable restaurant or bar on my own in Manhattan, still seems just beyond my scope of plausible.  First I’d have to pick a place, then find it, then…God, I don’t even know!  Just thinking about it terrifies me on some level, though all I really feel is frustration…ugh, and yes, a bit of that most hated feeling…desperation. 

            

After a few minutes of trying to come up with some doable option, I figure I could find something close by, but the Upper West Side isn’t exactly where I know any very exciting places that would be worth all the effort, to go to.  After envisioning walking up and down the nearby streets asking random people if they know of a good bar around, I realize that the wonderful invention of the internet, and websites like Yelp and Zagat could be very helpful, if only I could access one of the thirty-five  available wireless networks that are infuriatingly all secured.  

            

So, in search of any useful solution, I call another blindy (the extremely independent one of my two blind friends, but who has never really been into going out the way I have).  After offering me the same options I’ve already run through in my head (all of which still sound a bit too terrifying to actually attempt do to all the effort involved), we continue on to commiserating about how impossible it is to hail a taxi when your blind, especially if you have a guidedog.  Besides the fact that we don’t have any idea when a taxi is actually coming (accept in NYC you can sometimes identify them by a particular sound older cabs make), if they see a dog they just keep driving.  It was so much easier when my aunt had a doorman.  Unfortunately though, she decided to move (who knows why), and now I have to ask people for help (sometimes doormen of nearby buildings if I can find them, but are always very helpful), take a more complicated form of transportation – like the subway or bus, which always require a lot more effort of finding things like stops and entrances -or walk.

            

But, I digress.  By the time we ended our bitch session on blind transportation in this sighted world, my aunt came home and we decided to order takeout.  This lifted a huge amount of pressure off me, but I can’t help feeling that, in a way, I’d let myself down by settling for takeout and not finding a way to make what I really wanted, happen.  In hindsight, I could have had my friend find me something on the Upper Westside online.  Why I didn’t think of that in  the moment, I have no idea, but hopefully it will be useful the next time I’m back  in this same position.

            

Oh well, at least the Macy Christmas windows were pretty awesome.  Beyond the impressive visuals, the whole thing had an audio track, making it enjoyable for those who can’t really appreciate the scenes on there own (especially when you don’t know the story, which was “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Clause).